Monday, July 29, 2013

remember + cherish

It's days like these I want to remember
and cherish each moment for always.


The early morning church service with my love.
The coffee date at our favorite place.
Listening to the sound of him splitting wood outside, as I drift to sleep.
An afternoon nap together.
The crisp air + warm sun that feels like autumn.
Holding hands on a neighborhood walk.
Making the best of what we have, together.


Thursday, July 25, 2013

but I just want to slow down

i just want to slow down

these are the thoughts swirling around in my head lately.  

our world is moving so fast. 
but i just want to slow down.
take time to run in fields of wildflowers. 
hold hands with my love in the moonlight. 
+ celebrate the little things. 

this is one of my favorite pictures from this summer. 
a reminder of a day spent bike riding + walking amongst the wildflowers with my love. 

sending love to you, friends.


Wednesday, July 24, 2013

brave + courageous + honest in sadness.

brave + courageous + honest in sadness

Yesterday, I spent so much time feeling hungry. It's not that I'm skipping any meals, and I'm not on a diet. To be honest, I pretty much ate all day long. (Yep, it was one of those days).

As I stood in the kitchen yet again, wondering what was wrong with me - how could I possibly still be hungry? - I was overcome with a realization. 
A sad realization - but to me, so overwhelmingly true that I want to share it with you, in case you ever feel the same way. (You're not alone.)

I believe my inability to feel full is a metaphor for something else I'm feeling empty about. 


 These days, I'm sinking into reality. Into truth. Into sadness. I'm finding that letting yourself feel how you feel (especially when that feeling is grief), is extremely brave. It takes courage to allow those feelings to run their course.

I tried to fight the sadness for days. I'd turn on the music as loud as it would go, to drown out my thoughts. I overbooked myself with plans, giving myself no time to be alone with my thoughts. I was hiding in a spot of denial. But somehow my efforts to rid my mind + heart of sadness would backfire and the sadness would grow stronger.

Some things happen in our life that will inevitably stay with us forever. Both happy and sad. I know I'll carry this summer in my heart forever. Just as I'll never forget the ones who are helping me assemble my broken pieces. The ones who tell me everything will be okay. Who drive for two hours just to give me a hug + fresh flowers. Who give words of encouragement, and where to look in the Bible for comfort + peace. I have extreme gratitude + love + appreciation for this, and for these people. It is not easy being vulnerable. Being sad. Telling this story, so raw. But what would have been even harder + more painful would have been to go through it alone.

I'm learning that we should never feel like we are a burden for telling the truth, especially when the truth is painful.  We should never feel like something is wrong with us, or that we are not normal, or that there is something wrong with our bodies, or that we could have controlled the outcome. Those thoughts were a battle for me at first. But I'm learning to accept them as truths.

So what happened to me this summer, specifically?
In a nutshell, we found out I was pregnant at the end of June. Shortly after that, it was thought that I was miscarrying. And then after that, we found out it was an ectopic pregnancy. I don't believe I could ever sum up all of the feelings + thoughts + emotions - other than to say it has been sad, terrifying, physically + emotionally draining.

Sometimes I feel embarrassed about my sadness because life is still beautiful. There is so much to be thankful for. It could be worse. Everyone is going through something. On and on.
I suppose it is less about our circumstances and more about our reactions to them, right?

I take comfort in knowing that God has great things in store for each of us. While He works in mysterious ways I'll never be able to comprehend, I am still His child and He still loves me. (And he loves you, too).

Sending love + comfort for whatever it is you're going through, friends.

Tuesday, July 23, 2013

epitome of happiness

This morning was the epitome of happiness in my book: a gorgeous (full) moon + a chill in the air + early morning fog. This is what I believe heaven will be like.

I grabbed some coffee and ran outside in my night dress so I could stand in all of the beauty. I'm not one for rushing, or wishing away the 'right now', but friends I have to be honest. I absolutely cannot wait for autumn to arrive.

foggy mornings

Back to school ads are out(!!). You may see my mom and I roaming the school supply aisles at Target. Buying new notebooks and fancy pens. We just can't help it!
As a kid, nothing made me excited quite like a new Lisa Frank binder and some colorful markers. Forget about the school clothes! I guess some things never change. :)


Monday, July 15, 2013

It's a new day.

Feeling so thankful for uplifting friends (+ family, of course) + blueberry pancakes + bike rides + floral dresses.

in July

And, I forgot to mention!
I am so thrilled about this...awhile back, I was interviewed on one of my all-time favorite blogs in the world. You can read it here :). 


Thursday, July 11, 2013

feel what you feel

I know that part of our incredible journey through life is experiencing sadness. If only this knowledge would lessen the pain, or somehow make it easier to get through.

If you find yourself wondering what to do with your sadness, or how to move through it, I'm sharing a few things I've been doing along the way.

And then one day, you'll wake up and it won't seem so bad anymore.  The sun will light your face and you'll feel hopeful again. Promise.

gentle + kind

I've been practicing being gentle with myself. Allowing the pain. Trusting in God's timing and feeling His grace.

flowers in July

 I've been praying (a lot). And giving thanks for the ones who pick me up and tell me everything will be alright.

Pretty delicious

I've been taking the best advice, and just allowing myself to feel how I feel.

July sunset

I've been remembering this: "For I know the plans I have for you" declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future" Jeremiah 29:11

I've been reminded that there is a fine line between knowing the truth and accepting the truth. I'm currently working on the accepting part.

I'm working on believing that it is okay to tell the truth about what you're going through. You don't have to bear the weight of it alone, and there is nothing to be ashamed of.  You might even be surprised to find there are so many others out there who have been where you are.

Even amidst the sadness, there is still so much good in the world. So much to be thankful for. I am reminded that there are no mistakes. Right here and now is temporary, and only a place of preparation for all the blessings to come. 

Love to you, friends

Wednesday, July 3, 2013

take me to the ocean

salt air

One of my favorite people on the planet took me agate hunting here last weekend!  We spent a few glorious hours roaming the sandy beach + talking + dreaming + listening to the waves and seagulls. I walked away feeling more relaxed and at peace than ever. Can you believe I've lived close to the ocean my entire life and I've never been agate hunting?! I'm already planning my next trip.:)

Have you been to the beach yet this summer? 

Here are a few of my latest ocean-inspired paintings:

ocean dreams

This one reads: "I am not afraid of storms, for I am learning to sail my ship" -Louisa May Alcott

anchor love

This little one was created on a vintage plaque - so much fun!  

It's been hot here lately. I mean really hot. And I love it.